Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
