At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
