I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
