My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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