I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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