I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
