brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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