i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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