I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
