...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
