The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
