I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
