in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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