he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
