Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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