Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
