Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
