I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
