So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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