Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
