Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
