I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
