At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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