went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
