How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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