found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
