Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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