If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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