Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
