sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
