God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
