i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
