his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
