nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
