I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
