DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
