Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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