It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
