it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
