you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
