He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
