I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
