I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
