there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
