He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
