omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
