As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
