Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
