I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
