you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I could fuck to npr.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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