Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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