I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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