plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
