ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
