Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
