He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
