They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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